How To Tell Others About the Death of a Loved One

Planning how you will tell people about the death

In most cases, the news is best told in person although this is not always possible. You might have to tell people who live overseas or do not live locally to you via a telephone conversation. Our advice is to try not to be too rushed, and to find a place that is quiet without interruptions so that you can talk it over, without inhibitions. If you are letting elderly or vulnerable people know the news, it is often best to make sure they have someone to support them afterwards.

Tips to telling others about the death of a loved one

• Prepare what you are going to say
• If possible, ask the recipient to sit down
• Tell them in a safe and confidential space
• Gently warn them that you have bad news
• Talk slowly and softly in plain, simple language – avoid unrelated issues
• Use the terminology, ‘someone has died’
• Try to ascertain if they understand what you are telling them
• Encourage them to talk and express their feelings
• Be a good listener

Methods in which to tell others about the death of a loved one

• Face-to-face conversation – best for comforting, confiding, feeling a connection
• Telephone – fast and simple way to let those know who live further away
• Email – less personal, but can be a good way to notify those outside of the immediate circle of family and friends
• Social media – will convey the news to people you have not been able to reach in other ways

Conveying the news to people via phone calls

If you have a lot of calls to make, encourage others to get involved, so that it’s not entirely your responsibility. Be understanding of the reactions that you may get from the news that you have delivered. Think of ways to end the conversation such as the date, time and where the funeral will be held.

Sending an email to share the news

Although it lacks the personal touch, this can be an excellent way to tell others about the death of a loved one, particularly when fellow workers or colleagues need to be notified. This is also a good way of telling others if you do not have a contact phone number.

Getting in touch with a wider circle

These can include co-workers, acquaintances, community members, club friends, fellow churchgoers, and distant relatives. It may be appropriate to use the Blind carbon copy (Bcc) to respect the recipient’s privacy. If you are informing work colleagues of the news, check if you have a contact number or email of another close colleague or fellow worker of the deceased person. It is helpful to have the support of others when dealing with the administration at a difficult time.

How to write an email to tell others about the death of a loved one

• Announce who has died
• Describe briefly how they died – this avoids curiosity and too many return questions
• Include the funeral information
• Finish with compassion

Sharing information on social media to tell others about the death of a loved one

Social media can be a very useful way to share the details of the death of a loved one, including the funeral location and information on the date and the time of the funeral service. Words can be carefully chosen for a social post, in the same way as for an email. However, it is certainly a harder way to share given character restrictions on social platforms. We do advise that all family members and close friends have heard the news prior to sharing on social media.

People will react in many different ways

Grief is very different for everyone, and a person’s reactions and emotions are sometimes unpredictable and unexpected. Some people may experience sadness whereas others may feel anger. There is no ‘normal’ reaction to grief. If you are prepared for a wide range of emotions, it may help you to understand people when you tell others about the death of a loved one.

How can CPJ Field help?

There is certainly no straightforward and easy way to tell others about the death of a loved one. By thinking about how you would like to receive the news can be helpful in providing empathy to another. CPJ Field is here to help guide you through difficult times, as bereavement is never easy. We are a 300-year-old family business, passionate about supporting others with grief and planning all aspects of personalised funerals.