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Jewish Funeral Guide
Jewish funerals traditionally follow a set of customs, beliefs and rituals based on the Torah, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible. These customs are closely observed for Orthodox Jews, although there are some modifications of tradition by those who follow other forms of Judaism.
There are four different types: Orthodox, Conservative, Reconstructionist and Reform. According to Jewish funeral tradition, a deceased person should be buried as soon as practicably possible and therefore, funeral planning should begin immediately by contacting your chosen funeral home or a rabbi.
Our guide goes through what will typically happen at a Jewish funeral and explains the preparations that occur before the service, what happens during the service and afterwards, as well as etiquette and funeral attire.
Jewish beliefs about death
In Judaism, life is valued above almost everything else, and should be embraced, while accepting the inevitability of death. The Jewish religion believes that death is a natural process and should not be viewed as a tragedy. Death, similar to life has meaning and is part of a divine plan. Respect should always be shown to the dead as well as comfort provided to those left behind. Judaism is a monotheistic religion with Jewish people believing in just one God. Jewish belief and the Hebrew bible, the Tanakh, believe that God existed before creation and due to the covenants made, they have a special relationship with God.
Jewish funeral traditions
When a person dies, their eyes are closed, the body is placed on the floor and covered, and candles are lit next to the body. As a sign of respect, the body is never left alone until it is buried. The person sitting with the deceased is called a ‘shomer’, (plural ‘shomerin’) derived from the root, Shin-Mem-Resh, meaning a guard or keeper. Directly following a death, the Dayan Ha’Emet prayer is recited and a shomer is assigned, sometimes with the help of the Rabbi or funeral home, who will stay with the body until burial. Often this is a member of the family, but it can also be a friend, member of the synagogue or ‘Chevra Kadisha’ (burial society). It is also common for multiple shomers to be assigned, staying with the deceased person in shifts. Respect is key and the shomerin do not eat or drink in the presence of the dead.
Before the funeral
Before burial the deceased person is washed, (Tamara) purified and dressed, a process known as ‘Taharah’. This is carried out by the Chevra Kadisha and should be members of the same sex as the deceased person. The body is not embalmed. The deceased person is then dressed in a simple white shroud called a ‘tachrichim’, with the addition of a prayer shawl, and a religious skullcap for men. The body is placed in a simple biodegradable coffin called an ‘Aron’, which is then sealed until burial. The sages decreed that the dress and the coffin should be simple so that a poor person does not receive less honour in death than a rich person.
The Jewish funeral service and etiquette
Traditionally, the Jewish funeral service is held the day after death at a synagogue or funeral home, as a mark of respect. It should be noted that Saturday is a holy day and consequently burials do not take place on the Sabbath, or Jewish holidays. However, modern funeral services can happen later so that family and friends are able to attend. The funeral service can take place in a synagogue, funeral home or by the graveside. Usually lasting between 15 minutes and an hour, the service is led by the Rabbi and consists of prayers, readings of psalms and a eulogy.
What happens on the day of the funeral?
Typically, at a Jewish funeral, the mourners congregate, followed by the Keriah, the tearing of a black ribbon. They then enter the chapel with the initial remarks and prayers followed by the eulogy. The deceased family then exit the chapel, the casket is removed, and the funeral procession goes to the cemetery, with mourners following the hearse. If the funeral takes place at the graveside, the casket arrives and there is a prayer recital and lowering of the casket followed by a graveside ceremony and prayers. The Mourner’s prayer, Kaddish is read, and the casket is covered with earth, with family members invited to place dirt on the coffin, helping to fill the grave.
Flowers and music are not typical at Jewish funerals and cameras and recording equipment are discouraged. The body is not displayed at the funeral with Jewish law forbidding open casket ceremonies, as it is considered disrespectful to expose a body.
What to wear to a Jewish funeral
While there are variations in etiquette for Jewish funeral services, the basic principle is respect. Clothing should be modest and subdued in colour, with many people choosing to wear black. Male guests are expected to wear a jacket and tie with a Yarmulke, a skullcap with women also covering their heads, although that is not compulsory, and wearing conservative clothing. Immediate family members will often wear a black ribbon. At a later time, this is cut to symbolise moving forward after someone’s death.
What happens after a Jewish funeral?
After the burial, a reception is usually held either at the synagogue or in the bereaved family’s home. Tradition may require mirrors to be covered in the house, removing distraction and encouraging focus on the deceased person.
There is then a mourning period of seven days called ‘Shiva’, which means ‘seven’ where other customs such as lighting a candle are observed. During this period, the mourner’s family receives guests and together they recite the mourner’s Kaddish, reflecting on their loss. There is a second period of mourning known as ‘shloshin’, which last for 30 days. During this time, the family goes back to their usual routines and will recite prayers and daily hymns. A candle is lit on the anniversary of the death and left to burn for 24 hours, known as Yahrzeit.
Non Jewish mourners
Black is traditionally worn as a Jewish funeral, although dark colours are also considered appropriate. The clothing must always be respectful and conservative. Sending flowers is not considered appropriate and is discouraged. Donations are encouraged, normally to a charity that the deceased supported, or one chosen by the family. Food is always welcomed, particularly kosher.
Changes to the traditional funeral service
While Orthodox and Conservative Jews prohibit cremation, Reform Jews have accepted cremation, and it is growing in popularity. Some traditional customs have been modified under Reform Judaism. Organ donation and donating a body to medical science are both widely accepted in Judaism and this practice is viewed as a good deed (‘mitzvah’). However, routine post-mortems are not accepted and are seen as a desecration of the body. Where a post-mortem is necessary for legal reasons, a Rabbi should be present, and non-invasive techniques should be used where possible.
